woman on beach Jenny's Rant
Brenda Ross

Photo by Michael Moreth

I can't stand folks what sets themselves up as tin gods. 'If I was you,' they say, 'I'd do it this way.' Well, I've got news for them, they ain't me and I ain't them and I'll do things my way, thank you very much. Take what happened yesterday. I was walking along the beach when this old busybody started in on me. "You're asking for trouble, young lady," she said, "walking around half-naked like that." I told her where to get off. "You’re the one what’s asking for trouble," I said, "I don’t give a toss what you think."

Between you and me, the wind made me shiver when the sun got behind the clouds, but I weren't about to cover myself with a coat. I needed something to make me feel special seeing as how Jason had dumped me. Five months we'd been going together, I was beginning to think wedding bells or registry office or something.

And then Jason phoned. Yes, he phoned. He hadn't even the guts to tell me face to face. It's over, he said just like that. It's over. I was blown away. Here I had given that bugger the best five months of my life and he informs me it's over.

I took some money out of my savings and bought a new skirt and top. Then this old lady said I was asking for trouble but she was dead wrong. It weren't like I was wearing no bikini. I knowed it was too cold for that! Between you and me things couldn't be looking better. There was this old guy on the beach this morning, must be nearly forty, no muscles and not much hair on his head but I could tell he had a brain. He was surprised when I told him I lived on my own. He said he was a magazine photographer and wanted to take pictures of me in my bikini.

I wasn't born yesterday and I didn't see any camera so I asked him for some I.D. and he showed me his business card. "Frederick Fortune," it said, "official photographer to the stars." He's on vacation but his equipment is back at the Starlight Motel and I'm going to meet him there this evening. He says I'll make lots of money as a photographer's model.

I'm so excited. I've been making all kinds of plans. I'm going to work real hard at this job. I'll do whatever Frederick wants me to. And one day when I've saved enough, I'll travel round world until I'm ready to settle down. So you see I don't need no old lady to tell me what to do. I can look after myself, thank you very much.