Amie Myers

You shoulda seen her legs! Long as January,
hot as July, walkin' down the hotel hall
ahead of me. Mike and Cindy had an open bar,
so by the time I see this chick I'm about halfway
downtown, if ya know what I mean, and
when she walks into the reception in the next
ballroom over, I find myself followin' her in. I
beat it straight to the bartender for two
Jack 'n' Cokes and saunter towards the dance floor,
figurin' if anyone hassles me I won't have a hard time
actin' drunk and lost. I was plannin' to give her
one of my drinks, but she was so hot dancin'
in that short silver skirt that before I knew it,
I'd done drunk 'em both! Then, "Brick House"
comes on and I'm right next to her, so I tell her
she's 'smokin'. She smiles and I start dancin'
with her—you know, a little bump 'n' grind like
they do on MTV. Things start gettin' fuzzy
after that, but I remember I stepped on her foot,
and she didn't like that too much, so I tried
to apologize by tellin' her it prob'ly hurt 'cause
I used to leg press 400 pounds back in my track days.
I had to think of something to say to this vixen,
but by then it was the Jack talkin', not me, and I think
the last thing I said was something about how hard
my pole vault was and then she was chasin' me
with her pepper spray and I was hurdlin' chairs
to get to the door. And wouldn't ya know
I get out to the parking lot and my damn wife
drove home without me! But those legs, Bill,
you shoulda seen those legs.