Daniel Ari
What's Missing From Reality TV

On the first episode, a pirate who died in 1598 came back to life and walked around Chicago. It was hilarious, but he was nothing like our modern idea of pirates. He wound up making a beeline for an un-hip bar. He drank stouts until he fell into glum silence, but by the end of the hour, he'd found a job consulting in a shipyard. He also found a girlfriend, but she refused to be part of the show. The host of the show quit in a shroud of mystery and gossip, and they had to find a new one to go on patrol with the cookie police in episode two. The camera crew accidentally revealed corruption on the force, and the network became entangled in the lawsuits that became the subject of episode three, guest-hosted by a tin cup. By then, most home televisions had given up their careers, so people couldn't watch, except for people with plasma screens, who could do little else. A resurgence of 1920's aesthetics and interests took over and then everyone was too busy doing the Charleston to care much.