What's Missing From Reality TV
On the first episode, a pirate who died in 1598 came back to life
and walked around Chicago. It was hilarious, but he was nothing
like our modern idea of pirates. He wound up making a beeline
for an un-hip bar. He drank stouts until he fell into glum silence,
but by the end of the hour, he'd found a job consulting in a shipyard.
He also found a girlfriend, but she refused to be part of the show.
The host of the show quit in a shroud of mystery and gossip,
and they had to find a new one to go on patrol with the cookie police
in episode two. The camera crew accidentally revealed corruption
on the force, and the network became entangled in the lawsuits
that became the subject of episode three, guest-hosted by a tin cup.
By then, most home televisions had given up their careers, so people
couldn't watch, except for people with plasma screens, who could do
little else. A resurgence of 1920's aesthetics and interests took over
and then everyone was too busy doing the Charleston to care much.